Thursday, January 20, 2011

Feel Free to Comment

I read something today that has inspired me to share from one of the books I'm writing. 

"“He’s here again.” Olivia muttered in Lane’s direction. Lane glanced up from her register to see Alec disappearing down an aisle. He came in everyday on his lunch break, ever since the reception. Every time he tried to cheer her up.
            Olivia working the second register finished up with her costumer then turned to Lane.
            “So when is something going to happen between you two?”She asked in disapproval, oh she didn’t disapprove of Alec. She disapproved of Lane not encouraging such a “great catch”.
            “All of our customers” Olivia put a hand out in exasperation at the customers. “Have stopped paying for the show and are now loitering.”
            Lane glanced around at the spectators in the store. There were three elderly women pretending to be interested in some baked goods. Lane could see Miss Margaret looking through the small makeup section and could actually hear her once again complaining about the grocery stores selection and how the brand they carried “melts off her face.”
            Lane shook her head as she watched the women that came to the store every day this week and hasn’t bought a thing. Miss Margaret wore her most exotic clothes today, she had jungle print spandex pants complimented by her giraffe t-shirt. In her fire engine red high heels and matching purse the size of a large cat. Around her neck she wore huge multi-colored bead necklaces.
             Lane then glanced to the door to find two elderly gentlemen from the other day had chosen to take up station by the newspaper rack. Some girls had cornered up beside the cereal giving each other a raised eyebrow and a sly look in the direction that Alec had gone. They all knew that they wouldn't be kicked out for loitering and they certainly would not be asked to leave. Small businesses just didn't do that to residents of the town.  As long as they looked like they were shopping and weren't bothering anyone they could just hang out for a while if they felt the need. And today they felt the need.
            “See what I mean this little soap opera needs to end. Do you see all young girls that have been coming in looking for him? What do they do? They come in to sneak an admiring glance his way or try to snag his attention. It’s sickening. Half just giggle and whisper. Then there’s Miss Margaret’s harping. It’s really getting on my nerves.” Olivia complained.
            Alec came walking up bringing Olivia’s little speech to an end. Olivia then chose a spot within an ear shot to dust the shelves. Dave could be seen refilling a shelf nearby. Alec oblivious to all that was going on in the store set his soda and candy bar on Lanes counter with a smile. The store was strangely quiet and Lane could see a head pop around every corner. Lane rang the items up without a word.
            “How are you doing today, Lane?”He asked with a twinkle in his gorgeous brown eyes. Smiling Lane answered “fine”. She told him his total shyly. Lane found Thomas in line behind Alec, almost magically appearing. Was I so absorbed I didn’t see Thomas come in she wondered. Thomas, a regular to come in for his daily newspaper, nodded his greeting. He was always immaculately dressed in a crisp shirt and trousers. His silver hair parted just so. As always he stood patiently waiting.
            Alec noticed also and quickly brought out a handful of change over flowing from his pocket. This had to be the third time this week he brought in all small change to pay for his purchases. Lane spied Olivia grinning like a hyena as she swung her duster over the shelf. Olivia doesn’t even bother with Thomas anymore because he let it be known that he prefers visiting with Lane. Lane thought it might be the right thing to take pity on him today.
“Sorry this will take a minute” Alec told Thomas. Lane started counting out the change, when Alec didn’t take the initiative.
            “How’s your family” Alec asked her causing her to lose count.
            “Fine thanks” she started counting again.
            “I heard that Joy will be going to culinary school soon” He tried again with a lopsided grin. He knows that I can’t count if he’s asking questions she realized in frustration.
            “Yah, we’re all going to really miss her” Lane answered quietly while separating the coins to make counting easer.
            “Are we still doing this?”Thomas asked suddenly. All heads popped up at once to look at him.
            “Haven’t you asked her to dinner, yet? That’s what everyone in here is waiting for” Thomas set down exact change for his paper and walked purposefully out of the store.
            “Well” Alec slightly flushed as he looked around at everyone who suddenly stopped pretending to shop and was watching wide eyed. Lane noticed a few more people made an appearance none hiding their reason for being there.
            “The cat’s out of the bag now. What do you say, Lane? Would you like to go out some time?”
            “I don’t know Alec, I’m really not good company right now.”Lane tried her best to be kind in her rejection.
            “Why don’t you let me decide that? No matter how you feel, you still need to eat. I could pick you up at five?”
            Glancing about the store at all the eager faces none as eager as Alec. “Alright” Lane accepted softly. Then heard a congregated breath released. Alec smiled radiantly at her and she thought he was standing a bit taller to. “Great” Alec nearly shouted. Lane started to count again trying to steady her hands that now shook. He saw her at her worst and came asking for a date. It was an enigma to her why he would want to come back at all. I hope this isn’t a pity date she thought to herself as she put the change in the register. She sobered from such a thought. She looked over at Alec to find him studying her thoughtfully. He must have noticed. Mom always said her expressions gave her away to those that wanted to read them.
            “We’ll have a nice time Lane. No worries.”
Lane grinned and  shook her head.
            “Tomorrow” she said with a bit more confidence. With that and a wave Alec left. Lane turned back to ring up Thomas’s newspaper and put his money in her drawer. Lane thought of Alec's expression of pleasure after she said ok. No, she thought it couldn’t be a pity date.

So it ended up being a chapter that I'm letting you read. I couldn't cut it up, that would have been mean. This is one of my favorite parts. I think I could take some criticism if you have some just remember that it's still a draft and I already know that the punctuation is horrible. It's something I struggle with.
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